It's Not Your Fault
by Kaitipoola
Summary: Jasper and Edward's conversation after Jasper 'takes a snap' at Bella. Jasper's POV


It's Not Your Fault

I ran as fast as I could, knowing someone would be sent after me in a second. My shadow flickered across the trees as I passed, each step taking me further and further into the woods.

I headed for the nearest hunting territory—I didn't feel much like hunting, but I needed to do something that would keep me running. Better to run than to sit down and start _thinking_—or worse—have someone catch up to you.

I knew that they only meant to help—but right now I didn't want their pity. I would be able to feel it radiating off of the one who came after me, probably Alice, and that would just make the guilt all that much worse.

Really, I hoped it wasn't Alice. Even though I was the one with the manipulative powers, Alice could always make me see things her way. One look in her butterscotch eyes, and I would understand exactly why this whole thing wasn't my fault. And it _was _my fault.

Whether she knew this or not, Bella was like a sister to me. A sister. And yet in that moment, when the paper broke skin and I could smell the open cut, she hadn't meant anything to me but dinner.

How could I do that to her? To _Edward? _I had seen the snarling monster reflected in Bella's frightened eyes. That word, the word so often used by my eldest brother, mocked me now.

Monster.

I didn't understand why it came so much easier to all of them. When they smelled Bella's blood, they had been tempted a little. But it was never the same with me.

Whenever I was close to a human, there was nothing else that mattered but their blood.

_Hunter. _

_Hunted._

It was simple. I quickened my pace, muttering to myself.

It's all my fault. I shouldn't be living here with them! I don't deserve them.

I don't deserve Alice.

This was the thought that made me shiver. I couldn't imagine my life without Alice. She was my everything. As I shifted slightly to avoid another tree, a new scent caught in my nostrils. I swore.

Edward.

I quickened my pace once more, knowing it was useless: Edward was easily faster than me. The forest would be eerily silent to a human, but I could hear Edward's passage. He was tracking me, and doing a quick job of it.

I swerved, changing course, and slipped under a fallen tree before taking off again. Edward was still in hot pursuit.

He bowled me over before I knew what had happened. I struggled with him, a low warning growl sliding from between my teeth. Edward answered in kind, his eyes regarding me closely.

Sighing, I relented. Edward was stronger than me, too. "What?" I asked sullenly; I couldn't keep the edge of pain out of my voice.

_Leave me alone, Edward. _

"I won't," he said quietly. He added, "Carlisle and Bella sent me after you." I didn't care who had sent him, I just wanted him to go so I could crawl into a hole and stay there. Didn't he understand?

Edward's face was even paler than usual, his eyes pitch black.

_You need to hunt, Edward. _

He ignored my comment. "Bella said to tell you that she doesn't blame you," he said.

_That's so unlike Bella, _I thought idly, and Edward permitted himself a small smile. "I don't blame you either, Jasper," he told me with an edge to his voice. "Honestly," he insisted, hearing flat denial in my thoughts. "We can't control what we are, Jazz. We're vampires. And vampires drink blood." At this, I commence to silently relate to him exactly why it was my fault, listing all of the many reasons. But he just shook his head.

I could feel the emotions emanating from him. There was pity—no surprise there—but there was also guilt, and anger that was directed internally.

"Surely you don't think it's _your _fault?" I cried. I looked him square in the eye, and he nodded grimly. "It is my fault, Jazz," he began, glaring at me as I mentally informed him what I thought of that idea. "It is. I should have known that this would happen eventually.What you did…tried to do, is the natural course of life for us. I was endangering Bella by even bringing her here tonight." His tone of voice as well as his emotions immediately caught my attention. I automatically calmed him down, doing my job while examining what he was feeling.

In the current of his emotions I felt an overwhelming sense of misery, sealed over by a firm resolve. He had made a decision, and there was no changing his mind.

_Edward, what have you done? _

He seemed surprised by the fierceness in my question. "Jasper…" he trailed off, running his hands through his bronze hair. I waited patiently. "I'm not going to put Bella in danger anymore," he explained. "Alice is probably having a vision right now."

My eyes widened, and I bit my lip apprehensively. "You're _leaving Bella?_" I asked incredulously.

_Impossible. He loves her. I can feel it every time he looks at her. _

I realized my mistake as Edward winced, and his emotions were stabbed with pain. "I'm sorry," I muttered truthfully. "But you can't leave Bella, Edward, you just can't." That was what I said out loud, but mentally I said, _Please. _

"Stop it," Edward snapped. His eyes grew even darker. "I _do_ love her, Jazz, that's why I'm leaving, can't you see? She deserves better, she deserves a _life. _She deserves to go to college and find someone and get married and have children." I felt a spark of jealousy in him, no doubt as he thought of the man Bella was destined for. "I can't give her that, Jasper. I don't deserve her: I never did."

My mind rejected the words, searching for some sensible counter to them.

"But she loves _you_!" I spluttered. A small, sardonic smile played across Edward's mouth. "She's a human, brother," he reminded me. "That will change."

Finally his words began to register. I began to sink into misery once more.

"And don't you dare think it's your fault," Edward warned, hearing my thoughts as I sank.

Immediately I set my own struggles aside, and focused only on Edward. I could understand, I could _feel_, what this was doing to him. Once again, I realized how my personality paled in comparison to Edward's, how selfless he was being right now. I could never leave Alice, not even if the lives of the rest of the world depended on it. Appreciation for my older brother rose up in me.

I sent out waves of comfort and gratitude, doing my best to console him. "I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered, "and thank you."

_You're doing the right thing. _

I said that because I knew no one else would, that everyone else would challenge his decision. Someone had to be on his side. Edward knew that I didn't fully believe these words, but he nodded in thanks.  
Roughly, I pulled my brother into an embrace and made one last attempt to ease the pain.

He hugged me back, then pulled away. _I'm going to stay here for a while, _I thought. He nodded, understanding.

"I'll see you at home," he said. Leaving me to my thoughts, he sped off in the direction of the house.


End file.
